News - Adopting – A Birth Child’s perspective

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Hello, my name is Bethan and I am 14 years old. I enjoy going to Lifeguards and to the beach with my friends. I dislike the rain and dull weather. I have a little sister called Ellie who is 8 years old and she is adopted. When we adopted Ellie, she was nearly 2 and I was 7.

I had always wanted a little brother or sister because I was lonely as an only child. That is why I was very pleased when my parents told me we might be adopting. I was slightly nervous about what was going to happen next, but when we met with another family to talk about their adoption experience, it answered a lot of my questions.

When I first heard about my sister, all I had was her name, age and a photograph. It seemed like a long time between getting this information and actually meeting her. Before I was allowed to meet Ellie my parents had to meet her a few times first. This is because it wouldn’t have been good for Ellie to meet too many new people at once. Although I understood, it was still very frustrating.

We went to her foster mother’s home and got to do things like feeding her dinner, bathing her and putting her to bed. This was great because we got to know her a bit before she came to live with us.

Before Ellie came to live with us, I had many worries about what it would be like having someone else around the house and having to share things with them. Not only did I have to share my house, my toys and my space etc, I also had to share my Mum and Dad’s attention and time. I was worried they might love her more than they loved me.

When she arrived I realised that my parents would never love one of us more than the other. I did have to share my time with my parents, but my Mum and Dad set aside time specifically for me too. Ellie was jealous of my relationship with my parents too.

When I knew Ellie would be coming to live with us, I was very excited that I was going to have someone to play with all the time. However, when she did come she showed us all that she had a mind of her own. I never thought that she wouldn’t go along with the things I wanted to do but would want to other things instead. This is because an adopted sibling’s personality is usually already formed, unlike a baby that is born into the family. This isn’t something I had considered.

Even though my parents and our lovely social worker, Jane, had told me that things wouldn’t be straight forward and easy, I didn’t expect it to be so difficult to get Ellie to show affection towards me. That could partly be due to her personality but it is also down to the fact that she had come to a new family so she had only known me for a short amount of time. This is something I wish I was prepared for, as although my parents and Jane had reassured me, I still thought that she didn’t love me.

Another thing that I was unaware of was the fact that she had a birth brother and sister. This made me feel very insecure at first, as I thought that Ellie may prefer them to me, as they are her blood family. I have now come to realise that this isn’t going to happen. We sometimes meet up with Ellie’s brother and sister and their adoptive parents. I often think that as Ellie has grown up with me, she knows and loves me more and that it is a relationship that is stronger than blood sisters.

Although me and Ellie argue a lot, like most sisters do, there are so many positives. For example, she is the first person to stick up for me in any disagreement with my parents!

Most of the time I forget that Ellie is adopted. Although we argue a lot, she will always be my sister and we love each other very much. I honestly could not imagine my life without her. Adopting Ellie was the best thing that my family has ever done and despite the negatives of having a sibling, I would not change it for the world.

Author: Site Administrator 11.11.2017

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